I got arrested..

Just when you thought you knew it all, ha ha, not even close. Before we get to that let me tell you boys and girls, get your breasts checked! Try thermographic imaging for change. Dr. Ann Huycke is offering a spring special for $169 until May 15th, (208) 658-5570. Well, worth it! I already spend $100 more for 3D, and when the time comes I’m going to try this. Right now I’m being lit up every 6 months with CT and PET scans.

Now back to my brush with the law and disorderly conduct. Until my 27th year I had managed to avoid detection by the authorities with my cunning criminal mind. Memorial day weekend, on the final day, 8 girls loaded a pontoon boat, yet again, to enjoy the conclusion of the holiday. The 3 days had gone very well, fun was had by all, and nothing had escalated to make the trip a debauchery, yet. The day went much the same, out at Copper Canyon, l fewer boats than Saturday  and Sunday, but still a few hard core vacationers stretching the Monday for all it was worth. Music blaring, booze following to half and full naked bodies displayed in all manner of glee. Woodstock blushed on these weekends, but whether it was live sex shows on the Hustler boat, to sunbathers soaking up final rays, clothing optional was not for the naked people, but the clothed.

We decided to head back around noon, because we all had to drive 5 hours back to LA. I was there on a modeling job, and we were giving away free bikinis all weekend. As we headed back, all of our excess stash were being thrown to the ladies lining the river. I saw the cop then, and I thought he was motioning us to stop throwing the bikinis overboard, which is a crime. I was laying topless on the boat catching a few more rays of untan-lined sun. The police onshore were, in fact, hailing the vessel to pull over. Guess who was the lucky one to go to the slammer?

We looked at the police officer in awe. If you were to arrest women on the Colorado river for being topless on a holiday weekend you would have to fell a forest for the paperwork. I pleaded with the officer to ticket me, but he stood firm in his antiquated, thick soled slip-ons. His partner, a young Deputy, plead for leniency. The Sergeant asked about my alcohol consumption, I said I took a few sips of beer, but since I was driving home, didn’t have much. He felt that the booze made me do it. WOW, yes, that must have been it. 

Then he continued to pile on threats, “If a child under the age of 14 had complained to his parent, you would be a registered sex offender for the rest of your life.”  Really?

“What do you think they fed on from infancy?” I defended my now appropriately and lawfully restrained mobile restaurants.. While I remained calm, my blood boiled. I chose this tack…

“I work for the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, I was raised by a Homicide Detective, and I can assure you, I never meant to offend or injure innocent people.” I said this with honesty, but the sincere smile on my face was resting convincingly over a snarl. After, an hour of waiting for a squad car to reach us, I was finally cuffed and sent packing to the county lockup. Yes, I, the sexual predator with perfect tits was detained with the other malcontents of society. The Los Angeles County Sheriffs LOVED it.

Moral of the story, get your breasts checked! Try a thermal, do a 3D, go to Israel and get the breathalyzer, but DO IT!!!  Early detection can save your life!  Happy Easter!

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