Appreciation

Not always what you might think, and reasons vary vastly. Each day you wake up there should be some. Not always easy though. When times are tough, job is unsatisfying, life throws a mean curve, but if you can, try to find something to smile about, be grateful for, even laugh at the mountain you are going to climb.

Personally, I took a shower. When times were dark, I forced myself to, crawl sometimes to the bathroom, turn on the heater, get the water as hot as possible, shaking like a paint can mixer, tears non stop, get a leg, then two in, back hunched, sometimes I never did stand up all the way, just put some soap on, rinse off, crawl back out, towel off, get some lotion on, make my way to the daily outfit, unsure how to put pants on, let alone 2 pair (long johns), every joint screaming for relief, pain killers are pointless, now to the face. Just the simple things, like looking in the mirror, would have been nice to avoid. Whose face was that in the mirror? Who’s teeth were those? Surely the mirror had it wrong, so I stopped looking, but I put makeup on all the same.

For the first few weeks I hadn’t discovered the joy of coffee, but I tried to coat my mouth several times with every suggested product out there. Everything hurt though. I couldn’t put anything in my feeding tube in the morning. Way to much fear of what might happen while I was strapped to the radiation table. After learning I could sip coffee life got better.

I’ve been trying to write this, many revisits, but it’s too hard. Too fresh. I can’t keep from crying, and I don’t want more puffyeyed days. Let me say, appreciate that you’re alive, or that someone else is. It’s a short, tough journey, but happiness is free!