Felt her..

I went to 2 events this weekend. One was the Boise State Relay for Life at the University.

The next day was the Avon Making Strides for Breast Cancer.

Obviously the second event was filled with different energy. The first was indoors on a college campus and of course, the crowd was young . The track was upstairs, the stage downstairs, and it was blissfully warm. Loved it!

The second was outside with all ages and all weather. Rain, wind and hail, but the tried true tested people weren’t all that bothered! I wish we could have been sheltered like the kids the previous night.

Any event that raises awareness for getting a mammogram or vaccine is amazing, and to see all the wonderful men and women stand up, fight, and face their worst fears will always leave me awe! I’m very different in that I lived a large portion of my life praying for death. When I got cancer, I wasn’t all that concerned. The aneurysm, no worries for me. Mom in the other room, so sorry for the person with the short straw there!!!! I have been ready to die for years, please, don’t resuscitate! I don’t want to be kept alive by a machine!

NOT that I am suicidal, but this irrational fear that most people have of returning to dust is comical to me. I’m good to go, no need to counsel me into the great goodnight. Shuffle it off. Going to the grave having lived this life brings me a sense of peace. People may not have agreed with my choices, but I always tried to be a woman of my word and a genuine, good person. I failed a few times, who doesn’t, but I have no reason to hold on. Every goal or dream I had was accomplished, but I know I can do more God willing.

Yesterday, I felt a woman finishing the walk, and I prayed I could forget her. I don’t want to remember her now because everything in my soul wants to wrap her in my arms and let her tears spill. My own cheeks glisten each time I remember her face contorted with pain and anguish. I know my friend feels this way, and everything in me wants to heal this pain.

So many crossed the finish line with a sense of accomplishment, some never stopped walking, there were the healthy people that walk for ANY REASON, some for the glory (come on), but most people walk because they are affected by cancer.  Let me assure you, I am one of those, but I’m also a ball buster! I go to these events with one mission, to inspire self advocacy. If I get one scared, apathetic face to turn the inner light on and fight my day is a success! 

I realize that not many people read this blog. That’s okay. For those that take time to skim my bog, please, reach out, give a bit more, visit more often, because you will regret it if don’t. Maybe your gift is letting someone off the hook for not being there. How often do I hear, “I should have..” My Mom said, “Don’t you dare try to take care of me. Live your life, don’t move me in with you.  That’s what retirement communities are for!”  Love you Mom!

May we all find a way to cope, heal and HELP!!!!