Dating, I know!

Do you remember the line in the movie.. You’ve got mail,” by Tom Hanks when he said, “Do you ever feel like you’ve become the worst version of yourself?”

With Kaya before she passed.

I know we, (non sociopaths) have all felt it.  At one point in our lives we hate, berate, criticize ourselves if we have a soul. stop hating ourselves and hold onto the precious joy in life! 

WAIT A TICK…BULLSHIT!  you want  crap, huh? I know when I’m getting screwed and i don’t like it!  I know when my family is in peril and I’m FURIOUS!  However, we can only control so much.  Nature has it’s course, and all the love, hate, and passion in my body can’t change the outcome whether illness, death or divorce.

Did you suspect I would be happy? 

I was a horrible daughter to Mom, growing up. I also suspect that Mom wished she could be a better caregiver.  Life is filled with loss, regret, pain, and sorrow if you have the courage, fortitude, and kindness most of all to embrace playing.   You can have unseen enemies and loyal friends that you never see. 

This life, and no not just mine as you well know, has suffering, sacrifice, and pain that will tear you asunder.  Your legs will buckle under the grief.  Tears will spill out of you eyes because you see a favorite flower. Moments and memories will bring you to your humble knees because you knew the sweetest, kindest, beautiful person EVER!!  Few people fit that bill…So few are left in real life. Yet the brightness leaves time and again.

Many years ago I asked, “Why my Mommy didn’t love me?” and the answer had followed me to this day.  Never has the knowledge satisfied me, and that’s my fault.  “You want $20 from your Mother, but she only has $5 to give.    You have to accept that she is giving you everything she has.”

I have been trying all my life to accept that Charlotte cares so little about her children.   Stepsister is having a great time in Florida with the biggest covid outbreak next to Europe. She’s taking you all around. Mick, go ahead, get sick, get your wife sick, Mom have a great time with another respiratory disease. PLAY AROUND WITH NO MASKS. Die if you want. I have no say.

One thought on “Dating, I know!

  1. Hello, dear niece. Everybody does the best they can with what they have every day. You, me, and our mothers. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Just means that they give what they can. Hope this helps.


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