Tricky..

The age old question in my world, every year was, “What do you want for Christmas?” For me, after preteen years, has been money. Help pay a bill, buy books, and get me through a crisis. I rarely found a better answer. Money’s good..I’ll put it where it needs to go.

The last 3 years when someone asks i feel tongue tied. This morning I looked at a beautiful new rifle. It is INCREDIBLE but the money could be used more productively. Hours later, after trying to reinforce my point I had to visually drive the point home.

My health is again in jeopardy and I need financial resources to fix it.

My best friend wants me to fly to Florida for her birthday in February, again I can’t and I end up feeling like I let her down. Then I feel like this present machine of America is churning the wrong direction.

Do I want to go to the beach in the middle of winter? DUH!

Do I want to spend time with Mom? DUH!

Do I want to see my Brother again? See him happy? DUH

Do I want to see Brandi in Birmingham? DUH

I would love to spend my every moment left with those I hold dear! I wish I could buy an island where we could all retire with the best medical EVER!

I would give my last breath to rid this world of cancer! I don’t know how give anymore.

I love, miss all my friends and family! I just can’t give anymore at the moment.

Wishing and wanting..tricky! Lonely too. People don’t like the word NO.

I hope we all find our perfect life. I wish I could be there, but it’s tricky. I always try. I know tomorrow could be the last breath. Tricky.

The sad thing is, until I was sick no one wanted to see me. I made the effort time and again but after thirteen years none of my friends or family made an attempt? Mickey, Dad, came to hunt elk once, my wedding once, but until I was sick not a soul.

The day of my brain surgery. I watched an amazing site. Mom flew in from Missouri, Husband showed up, and Brother appeared. No other way to say it ..FUCKING MIRACLE!!

Not brain surgery day but you get my point

We have a continent between us now. I know the momentary bond of my illness is gone and there’s no way to get it back. Clearly I only have the power of one. I can only afford so much. We ask for gifts for Christmas in America. We are TRAINED to do it! Tell Santa what you want! I pray for peace, health and love.

Some of the beautiful people in the world right now wish for a Bible over running water.. Tricky 🥺READ IT AGAIN!!!!

They pray for me..I’m so blessed 1🙏🏻

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