Cursed…

Somedays I feel as though I am. Yesterday, my hat designer said she would beak her ankle if she wore heels like mine and I fell later in the day .

Ouch, and I’m flying to Florida to hang with Mom at the pool.

Then I was talking with a friend and both of us being tall with long legs we always fly first class. I went on to say that I also like the absence of children. He said that the last few flights he was on with his wife there were kids in first. Now I’m on a 4 hour flight with a child kicking the back of my chair. How can the Mom just let it bang on the back of my seat?

Fortunately, I had the seat open next to me. Just feeling jinxed and waiting for the third catastrophe to hit. Then it hit me..

I’m on the other side of 45, cancer survivor, CEO of 7 companies, and STILL trying to please Mom like a little girl. Worried about my acceptance, terrified of her critism, and I know it’s coming. I wish I had Wonder Woman bracelets that could repel all critiques but ultimately I will be reduced to the child wanting validation. I don’t know why, after all these years it’s still important to me and why I can’t push past it.

My Brother and I have this independent entrepreneurial spirit. His company is not a job, it’s a life! I’ve had companies before but teaching baton, taking people fishing, modeling agency harldy fall under his publicly traded company. Now I have companies with value, product, and validity.

I’m on a track to success. Of course this started 2 years ago after the barrage of health issues, one year of covid, and repositioning my companies. However a flaw will emerge, a critique, I’ve heard them all and try to hold my reaction to a “thank you for pointing it out” response.

Mom knows best and she’s right most of the time. Let’s face it, I’m not perfect. Picking flaws out in others is simple. While I resist Mom’s insight I ultimately work on the areas she deems insufficient.

She lives in Florida, I live in Idaho. Much as I bitch that they move farther away. So, here I am again praying she’s healthy and improving with warm waters!