Follows me everywhere. From childhood I tried to meet everyone’s expectations. What terrifies me is that I’m now 46 and my fingers quiver under the scrutiny of my new boss. Like a child, I’m scared I won’t be good enough.
I still agonize unable to meet my husband’s expectations. Everything that breaks is my fault. I want to be a great wife but how when everything that goes wrong lands on my shoulders? Why would ANYONE want to hurt a person that loves them and hopes to make each day better?
Some things in life don’t make sense to me.
I have this traumatizing fear of doing anything wrong that it cripples me. I fear the damning repercussions. I know this about myself. Even cancer can’t cure the desperate need to be perfect all the FXCKING time even though it’s impossible. When I was young not being perfect was painful.
I wish in my personal life I could find compassion and love every day.
I wish I could count on being the recipient.
Guess I set the bar too high in life.