Disappointment…

Follows me everywhere. From childhood I tried to meet everyone’s expectations. What terrifies me is that I’m now 46 and my fingers quiver under the scrutiny of my new boss. Like a child, I’m scared I won’t be good enough.

I still agonize unable to meet my husband’s expectations. Everything that breaks is my fault. I want to be a great wife but how when everything that goes wrong lands on my shoulders? Why would ANYONE want to hurt a person that loves them and hopes to make each day better?

My Father a short time before his death..would’ve liked to fish him.

Some things in life don’t make sense to me.

I have this traumatizing fear of doing anything wrong that it cripples me. I fear the damning repercussions. I know this about myself. Even cancer can’t cure the desperate need to be perfect all the FXCKING time even though it’s impossible. When I was young not being perfect was painful.

I wish in my personal life I could find compassion and love every day.

I wish I could count on being the recipient.

Guess I set the bar too high in life.

2 thoughts on “Disappointment…

  1. Life is short. Your life is your time. You got one shot at this. Take control of your time and your future memories. You have the strength. You just need the resolve. You got this. Jeff

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  2. Yep, needed to straighten my crown. I have always been highly emotional. Mom constantly tells me to calm down, let it go, don’t let things get to me. Injustice makes my blood boil, literally. While I’m not a religious person, I learned right and wrong from the teachings of the Lord. I need to walk away. Which is exactly what I did! I left!!!!

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