As this day passes, another year around the sun, I realize that my choices in life have been largely selfish. I’m not surprised, finding no confidence in my ability to care for and raise another. Who am I to criticize procreators except that children for the most part are intolerable to me. Recognizing it’s not their fault, zoned out, stoned out parents flood the supermarkets, airplanes, and restaurants with undisciplined ankle biters. Perhaps if I had seen a better example as a child I would have braved motherhood., but thankfully I didn’t unleash my DNA onto the public after seeing the true horror children and adults inflict on each other. I prefer dogs to children, and selfishly love the unconditional love they give! My beloved A.J. passed over 5 years ago, and thanks to covid my dog sitting business went belly up. For the next decade or so, I will have Gunner and Beary keeping me company and showering me with love come rain or shine.
40 years ago on this day I wished for my own death. I didn’t understand the changing rules of my family after my Father’s death. Raised in California I knew of earthquakes. We had drills in school where we hid under our desks until the fake quake passed. Then we would line up in formation under a blue sky. I felt the deep, unstoppable, shaking rolling through my family as roads buckled and connections split. My roads and intersections would never be the same. 40 years later and I’m still crawling for every inch. Another year of vast changes, huge losses and gains, and one year further from that fucking disease that tried to end me!
At the age of 3 I became a competitor, at 7 I was made a fighter who hated battle, inconceivable mountains and valleys, and at 43 a SURVIVOR!
At 47 I am not worried about the little things. My body betrays my weakness at times, and pain can take over my personality, but thankfully it passes. I’m happy that I’ve lived a life of adventure, only settling down in a place that is as wild as my spirit. Still, my beloved Gem is the diving board to the next adventure pool! My bucket list may be complete, but I won’t stop. My craving for exploration never diminishes! Off I go to the next year!