Judgment..bite me!

So guess what..I’m not perfect 😳

I never thought that this was up for discussion. Mom has always informed me of my imperfections which is her job, even a right, I suppose. I inturn have held her accountable for hers. She doesn’t care for the way I’m handling my illnesses, and I am not fond of her choices as a Mother. Guess we are even.

Mom’s a big girl, as am I, but I found myself in need of help this week and who did I turn to? Facebook. How fxcked is that? I couldn’t turn to close friends or family because there was no one there. I know I use vulgarity to keep my emotions in check because crying is not an option. It’s inappropriate for certain, but when you have to use a 4 letter word rather than blow your nose, 4 letter word every TIME!!!

This is not pleasant!!!!

So, Mom says I’m “softer” when I’m kind and loving. SO IS A PUPPY!! Careful, that pup will destroy your $1000 boots in seconds. Of COURSE I’m softer when I’m kind and caring. I’m also a pain in the ass when I’m in terrible pain 😱 SHOCKER!!!

In no way was I trying to catch more bees with honey..they STING..HELLO! I’m not surprised anymore. Always wanted $20 from people that had $5 to give. What baffles me is that the $5 people get a say in the $20 life. You have to ante up first. That goes for everyone!

SO..I’m in pain right now! 🖕I am trying to go back to work. Have NO doubt that criticism is going to go over like a pregnant poll vaulter! NO ONE has the right to judge me and I’m sad that so many do.

Happy 4th of July!

No good deed…

During covid I was still in and out of my UPS Store. I know my people there, and look at them like my employees, keeping my little companies sending out my sales. A new guy was hired, Justin, who had just moved to Idaho with his wife from New York. He was frustrated that he couldn’t get a hair cut. I made sure he got one.

Months later he reached out and said his life had turned to the worse and he needed some money to keep himself off the streets. I knew he worked six days a week at UPS, he wasn’t a slacker! After discussing it with my husband Bruce, we gave him money so he wouldn’t be homeless and lose his job.

This isn’t a great time for us financially, but we did it. He swore to pay it back next paycheck, but I told him to find a place to live, pay us back when he was flush.

A few weeks ago I asked where Justin was, and my friend said he was going through some personal issues but would be back to work.

I received a few voice messages from him. He had a heart attack, died, but was brought back to life, and had been in ICU. I never spoke to him, but texted that I hoped he would continue to improve.

Found out today, he passed from another heart attack. Justin had a new apartment, got his driver’s license, a car, and was supposed to be back to work Tuesday.

Last person I loaned money to, Lee a Co worker, took his own life.

When will I stop trying to help people? I hope I never close my heart to my fellow man! I am however, heartbroken that I couldn’t save someone. Wish I had more power!

PLESANTLY SURPRISED!

I’m down in San Diego going to my dentist in Tijuana on Thursday, so I HAD to go fishing of course! It’s early in the season so my normal boat, the Producer hasn’t been “on line” meaning running. They start running trips tonight, but I have to be in Mexico tomorrow. Breaking from my normal routine, my dear friend Danny Wade procured me a spot on the Grande with Captain Alec out of H&M Landing.

The Grande is a 3/4 day boat instead of my normal day trips that I prefer. She leaves at 5:30 am and returns to the dock at approximately 7 pm. Normally I get on the boat the night before, we drive all night so I wake up at 5 am where the fish are.

I’m alone, and there’s 33 people on the boat. I don’t know anyone, but I’ve fished thousands of times and know the routine. First thing the crew did was take my poles and put them on the boat. Never seen that before, but they were signing everyone in before we boarded so having hands free was convenient. EVERY boat I’ve fished or worked on we sign in in the galley. I immediately saw this as a brilliant plan. No more chasing anglers all over the boat so we can leave on time. I should’ve thought of that!

Getting ready to leave..

I put my gear away and settle in for the long boat ride to the tuna. I see that they left the bunks open and am shocked. Why would they do that? If people use them they have to replace the pillowcases, and you don’t need to do that on a trip where people aren’t spending the night. This creates extra work for the crew, but is no doubt a HUGE perk for the fisherman! I’ve never seen a crew go the extra mile like this!

The day is beautiful, water so calm you can hardly tell water from sky.

Then we get out to the grounds, and first stop I hook up and catch the first Bluefin Tuna! A crew member, Ash, was by my side the whole time! That’s normal. We get it on board, and after the photo the deckhand gills and guts it immediately getting all the warm blood out thus preserving the meat better! I have ONLY seen this on long range trips. Typically the fish are just tagged and dropped in the fish hold.

Then I order a cheeseburger and I’m shocked to see a half pound patty! It was DELICIOUS with butter toasted bun. I wish my mouth would’ve been able to handle the BBQ Chicken Ranch Burrito. OMG if only I had salivary glands!!! Christian had one and says it’s the BEST boat food he’s ever had!!! WOW! He works on another boat!!!!

Little things can add up to make a big difference! I’m so impressed with the boat and it’s crew that I HAD to share with you! Great boat, GREAT burger, and FANTASTIC crew!!! Want to fish this boat again for SURE!

Captain Alec

THANK YOU GRANDE!!!

WOW.. What a week!

I was fine coming up on my test, but I started out helping a fellow mouth cancer patient who had been in remission for 3 years. Her P.E.T. Scan revealed cancer had emerged again in her lymph nodes.

Going in..

My 3 year scan was on Tuesday. Gulp! ‘Cause I can! Not easy for a mouth cancer survivor. I was scared, and I’m never scared!

Believing I had beat cancer, 100% kicked it’s ASS, I was humbled by the reality that it could come back. No one is immune.

I shed my clothes, went into the room, did chit chat with a Nurse who has seen me far too may times in 3 years (She is always happy to see me), and went into the scan with a trepidation far different than before. What If I did have it again? I let the fear grip me, accepted that I’m vulnerable, and focused on one thing, “What is the next best thing I can do?”

So I met with a new web designer that I believe will do a great job for Troiya.com, my AWESOME skin care line! I’m not plugging my business, I’m happy to be able to have a business at all!

I worried until the next morning at 11 am when I was informed, all clear. I let everyone know that all was well, but I hate that fear can paralyze me. Even for a second! I hate that cancer gets a back burner to covid, flu, heart disease, obesity. I want to rip the tongue out of people charging criminal prices for necessary medicine and medical attention! Neglecting cancer patients is a CRIME! Coming up with a vaccine for covid in 9 months is a slap in face! You want people to believe you have no cure for cancer, I’m calling BULLSHIT!

I actually heard from a good source that Trump was going to announce that cancer treatment and cures were going to be available. WAKE UP people! Israel has simple tests and Canada has cures.

Let me guess, I lost you! You don’t care.

Fine, I’ll go onto today’s awesomeness! My FANTASTIC friend’s leukemia is responding to treatment and will be off chemo in 4 months! My cup runneth over!!!

Beautiful women!!

Today is a GLORIOUS DAY! TOP 10!

Expectations

I am going to meet a bunch of new business owners tomorrow and I’m stressing.

What to wear? Not this, I get that!

I do own a fishing company but I’m guessing these guys won’t like this either

I feel like Jim Carey…WHAT TO WEAR?

GET ANGRY!

I try to help people having trouble with doctors, medications, diagnosis, ect in throat/oral cancer groups. Several people are frustrated, disheartened, in pain, suffering, and I can empathize. I offer some hope, lend my ear, and give encouragement.

Once in awhile I read something that makes my blood BOIL! For instance:

My surgeon said:
And I quote: “If you miss your next appointment we are done w/ you and you will die a horrible painful death”
what the heck?

What the heck is right! I know you are only allowed to miss 3 appointments, I was lucky to have a ride, but this guy missed his second appointment because he was in SURGERY! WTF?

I pray people fight back and encourage them to speak out/speak up! Call the American Cancer Society 24/7 hotline, talk to the advocates, call lawyers, fight insurance companies, ask questions, get MAD!!!!!! I fired 5 doctors! Stand up for yourself!

I had to fight my radiologist to get Hyperbaric when I had necrosis. Saved my jaw!

Ever present need..

I was one of those who followed blindly but needed someone to kick my butt, in the right way. When Aunt Lynda was on her 7th cancer diagnosis if I recall correctly, I begged her to get a second opinion. My plea fell on deaf ears even though I pushed harder the last 2 and final times. She had accepted her fate, RIGHTFULLY so! For ten years, 9 cancers, and NO pain meds (she was afraid to become an addict =(. I needed me to kick my butt. Cancer treatment is subjective and I didn’t head my own advice leaving a plethora of disasters in its wake. Cancer itself comes with a huge cross. I feel bad when I don’t get in the groups and try to help people struggling with feeding tubes, thrush, radiation ulcers. Then I try to touch base with the aneurysm survivors to offer assistance there. I’m not perfect and I never will be. I have days that I can’t bare to think about my medical horrors so I won’t respond. Of course I feel bad and have overcompensate.

Giving and being selfish has always been a struggle, but now my short term memory is unpredictable, like my health. Life’s a bitch isn’t it?

Crossroads

In 2014 I started working as a night bail bondsman. Getting people out of jail was new, but all in all I believe there’s justice as long as the accused goes to court. Turned out I was good at it. Calming people down who were facing what appeared to be the end of the world. Probably because I had felt their pain. I gave a balance of compassion and tough love. My boss told me that 50% of the calls in the office were for me.

The problem was I wanted to work for a better company, but opportunities never came up. Employees stayed for 30 plus years.

In 2016, I quit writing bonds and started Andy’s Animals a pet sitting service. I had a great little company filled with almost a hundred dogs a year, number one on Rover.com and featured on the news. Ultimately I hoped that a position would open at the bail company I coveted and I would put in my 20 and retire. I LOVE helping people and as a night owl, bail bonds is a great fit. BUT..

It’s a BIG BUT, it’s 2021 and the company now has an opening. I have spent the last 2 years and all my resources building wonderful companies. They finally got reimagined after the covid disaster, and are ready to fly.

My business coach says, “Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle.” My bank account says go get the paycheck.

I believe in my heart and soul I can help people far better as an entrepreneur!

I have been torn for a month, until I wrote that! Asked and answered!

Ignorance..

The new administration is going to raise taxes on the rich to pay for new building infrastructure 2 trillion dollar plan. Biden plans to raise taxes on the rich…lmao!

The rich use the tax code to thier advantage, you can too BTW, but they aren’t stupid. If you make it cost effective to keep production in the USA, the businesses will stay..PERIOD!

When I worked on yachts, I remember, because I had to go from Balboa to Cabo, all of them had to leave the USA for 3 months to avoid luxury tax. Anyone who wants to stop paying taxes can, if they find a good accountant, learn how.

Now, I totally believe we need infrastructure upgrades. No doubt! I drove the I-5 20 years ago and it was a joke. What a blessed pivot to the pandemic, 10% unemployment, and 33% small business bankruptcy nationwide? Surely new roads will help the homeless..more bridges to sleep under.

Go ahead and make minimum wage $15. Innovators will cut those jobs with A.I. because business owners need to make a profit too. Are you aware we have bills to pay? Can you imagine waking up knowing you had $5000 payroll that day and had $1000 house payment then saw $50 in your account? Luckily I got a $1400 stimulus check..gee life is beautiful! I feel fabulous because I can pay the mortgage once. Now I don’t like to feel bad and fire/lay off people so I will find a way around it. Businesses have and ARE, look at Amazon. How long did they go without paying taxes?

Going the wrong way is all I can say! Offer Elon a government contract to develop a transportation system! Don’t TRY to take his money because you think you know better by sitting your ass in a taxpayer seat for 47 years THINKING IT made you smart!! DON’T THINK!

Cursed…

Somedays I feel as though I am. Yesterday, my hat designer said she would beak her ankle if she wore heels like mine and I fell later in the day .

Ouch, and I’m flying to Florida to hang with Mom at the pool.

Then I was talking with a friend and both of us being tall with long legs we always fly first class. I went on to say that I also like the absence of children. He said that the last few flights he was on with his wife there were kids in first. Now I’m on a 4 hour flight with a child kicking the back of my chair. How can the Mom just let it bang on the back of my seat?

Fortunately, I had the seat open next to me. Just feeling jinxed and waiting for the third catastrophe to hit. Then it hit me..

I’m on the other side of 45, cancer survivor, CEO of 7 companies, and STILL trying to please Mom like a little girl. Worried about my acceptance, terrified of her critism, and I know it’s coming. I wish I had Wonder Woman bracelets that could repel all critiques but ultimately I will be reduced to the child wanting validation. I don’t know why, after all these years it’s still important to me and why I can’t push past it.

My Brother and I have this independent entrepreneurial spirit. His company is not a job, it’s a life! I’ve had companies before but teaching baton, taking people fishing, modeling agency harldy fall under his publicly traded company. Now I have companies with value, product, and validity.

Getting closer

I’m on a track to success. Of course this started 2 years ago after the barrage of health issues, one year of covid, and repositioning my companies. However a flaw will emerge, a critique, I’ve heard them all and try to hold my reaction to a “thank you for pointing it out” response.

Mom knows best and she’s right most of the time. Let’s face it, I’m not perfect. Picking flaws out in others is simple. While I resist Mom’s insight I ultimately work on the areas she deems insufficient.

She lives in Florida, I live in Idaho. Much as I bitch that they move farther away. So, here I am again praying she’s healthy and improving with warm waters!

Here I go

Hopefully this will be a stress reduced trip filled with love and happiness!