Reactions to calling out Dad..

The responses deserves to be here…

Aunt Pat, Mom’s sister, says..I don’t understand why you would post this if we are to cast everything that is not of God wouldnt that be past hurts, abuse, misunderstandings?? Like your Mom & Mick who have done So much for you when you were hurting and in pain and needing help with finances? We all love you and have prayed constantly for your health. What hurts the most is knowing all the people who have read your posts and believe us all to be just a terrible family. We ALL have been through tough times you can choose to find a way to handle it or let it rule your life. THE CHOICE IS YOURS or choose to help others who have been hurt. WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST

Mom says,, Andy
Mickey and I love you. We all have faced moments when frustration leads us to lash out. These last few years you have endured much more than anyone can imagine. I thought allowing you to vent would run it’s course. I was clearly incorrect. Relationships are best served with healthy doses of honesty on all sides. We all make choices over the years that we regret. Mickey and I included but I have a marriage that I cherish. We all have incidents that define or shape our lives. Only you can choose how those events shape you. If Eric molested you in your childhood i am sorry. Most women i know have been me included. I do not however allow it to rule my life. I hope someday you will choose to focus on all the love you have in your life rather than the negative.
Mickey and I both have made mistakes in our relationship but Mickey loves you and me. He is my choice as a life partner and he is a good person. Please paint us as fairly as we do you. Only you can choose what to do with your life but I hope you CHOOSE to focus on the family that asks for the same support you want from us. Love and honesty.

I said..It’s interesting how many people lurk in my blog. You’re choices, Micks manipulative and your health has suffered. Nothing i can do but pray for your safety, and worry, as I have endlessly since you moved to Missouri and now Orlando. Since you have broken ribs, clearly I have a reason to worry. I love you, I want the best for you. Now, at best you are 7 hours away by plane in one of the county’s largest outbreak of the pandemic. GREAT plan considering both of your underlying issues. How did you feel when I was in the hospital for 7 days at Christmas and you couldn’t get to me? What I will do is help my friends and family as much as I can. Which now isn’t much. The state is only recommending I quarantine for 14 days. Who knows what will change. I have been honest. Mickey is a generous man, no doubt about it. I’ve watched him give away your money for years. I’ve watched him cost you your house, lose your savings, gamble everything away, pay for everyone’s way, and on and on. I saw you afraid to go into Walmart during the day without his escort because you were scared. Now you’re in the second highest crime city in Florida. Is it too much to ask that you live in a safe city in the entire state? 🤔

Mom replied – Do you really think I have no voice in where I live and how I spend the money that both Mickey and I have made over the 33 years we have been together? You make me sound pathetic like I have no voice. Anyone who knows me will confirm that perception is inaccurate. All of our kids have benefited from the gifts that we have distributed, you included. Giving up the house was my decision and mine alone as it was in my name. Yes Mickey went through a learning curve 30 years ago when he first started consulting and it cost both he and I a lot. I alone made the decision to stay with Mick and give up the house. That is my right. I would not want to be judged for poor decisions made half a life time ago. I can fall and crack a rib anywhere even in Boise. There are few places today that can escape the proximity of crime. That is why Mickey and I choose Guard gated communities and have CCWs. Mickey has not gambled for 20 years or mare. Can you please focus on your own life instead of trying to tear mine apart. Both Mickey and I love you but both of us want to live in Florida. Our choice is Florida for many reasons and yes the virus is here and everywhere else. We are responsible for keeping ourselves safe. We have made life changes here that are improving our weight and health and we are happy. Please try to be happy for us. We love you but need your support not your criticism. At 75 years of age I think I have earned the right to live where I want however Mickey and I will always love and support you from wherever we are. 🙏Please.

There were 2 other reactions but I screwed up…

I’m calling out..thanks Dad

So, I had 8 surgeries and 54 weeks of treatment in 2 years.  Mom came 3 times to help me.  Stepdad..zero. I was told he had to work. Didn’t have to work when he wanted to hunt or fish.

You all hooked your trailer to the wrong team. MOM made way more money than Mick. She is the one in trouble now, and not a single Harris will help.

Mom keeps trying to tell me Mick loves me. 

He came to Idaho to visit 3 times.  Once when I was told I had cancer.  Twice to hunt Elk.

In 2019 I was released from the hospital on Christmas Eve. No one came. I had not one family member come.

I had such high hopes for a good family.

How could I have been this dumb?

I’ve stolen this..people need it. I need it…

As we all know sometimes we can fall into unconscious states, seeking advice from people who will shore up our point of view, we seek allies to our perspective. And we can even edit what we reveal to them to get the answer we desire. We can fall into mental loops, perhaps saying something over and over again hoping to make it true. We can overlook facts and manufacture narratives that fit the desired story and minimize the danger.
And we can be driven in life by unconscious desires that become irresistible urges, especially when we feel we have been deprived or victimized. We can say we are following our heart when we are really following a wound.
And in these times, those that know and love us, see us heading in a direction that is perilous and they try to bring it to our attention. And we may get angry at these people and call them unloving and say “They don’t really understand me, they are trying to control me.” Sometimes we dig in so hard and so deep that we become like an immovable rock. We go into our male energy, stand our ground and fight back. And sometimes we just can’t let it go.
We’ve all been on both sides and I understand it. I have been that person unconsciously driven into perilous situations by hidden wounds and desires, those around me saying “What ARE you doing!?” And I have been the person on the outside trying to awaken the person from the unconscious state, holding out my hand saying “Just take the life-line!” Sometimes they grab your hand and try to pull you under too, making you the bad guy.
When someone is heading for the wall at 100 mph, if they are determined to hit that wall, sometimes you just have to step out of the way and let them, because nothing you say or do is going to stop them, and then just wait and see, wait for a window of opportunity, a sign of readiness, wait for their ego to be weakened and when they eventually cry for help, perhaps that will be the time to return. We cannot force someone into readiness. They have to come to that place organically through the cause and effect of their actions.
Bottom line, you have to recognize when you are no longer being of assistance to another and recognize when it’s time to walk away and offer them up to the divine. When they become abusive, distrustful, accusing all bets are off.
Sometimes LOVE IS the simple act of giving someone their freedom.
Sending love and prayers for the highest good.

Done with excuses…

I have WONDERFUL amazing friends.  Thank you for hanging with me for so long and putting up with me.

I’m sick of excuses!!!

This is where my problem lies..and I QUOTE
“Well I knew it was happening to your brother.  I never knew that she did it to you.”
“Only your Uncle can touch you there”
“I knew but didn’t want to say anything. ” 

You ALL should be ashamed!  no one should make excuses for pedophiles and rapists but YOU DO!! not one person reading this doesn’t know what Eric did to me or Paula…it’s old news. Have you felt something or seen something, turned your back?

Every child who is abused. 
It’s now on us as adults!

This isn’t crazy talk, this is REAL!
IF ANYONE reading this knows that a child is being hurt and you make no effort to help..you are a  conspirator to commit a felony and I hope they have fun with you in jail!  I’ll pay for your stay!

I wonder..

If my Father, died in 1981, watched his brother touch his little girl down by  the river?

I wonder if digging a finger into a pussy of a thirteen year old was the more. Democrat thing.  You sit on your high horse Carlsons Fam …you are trash

Every time…

You stupid assholes puts someone down..EVER. I’m telling you straight.

Race, religion, faith…we are all one.

We are teachers, bus drivers, grocery clerks, President, leaders, on and on. You make your way in this world.

Do you know how many people can’t afford chemo. Do you understand how many kids can’t talk to Mom and Dad.

Tears are spilling out of my eyes.

Is it so hard..

..to say sorry? What a GRAND divide for people who can’t admit they are wrong. I’ve said it like a flippant slap in people’s face, but I’ve said it and meant it as well. Times are so hard and I say I’m sorry because of the situation they are in. I hate the way people are lashing out and creating terrorism in our cities. I can go on, but this story delves deeper than any news. Domestic terrorism and emotional abuse is a real thing! I’m not talking about a snide remark, I’m talking about every moment thinking you’re wrong.

My Father’s Father was a crotchety old bastard, I loved him, but he said, “Don’t do anything your sorry for and you won’t have to say you’re sorry.”

Easier said than done, I know. We all make mistakes. I am blind 100% on my left side, and I accidentally spilled a glass of water today as I was reaching for it. Fortunately it was 101 degrees so evaporated before anyone noticed.

I believe there are levels of remorse just like love. Admit when you are wrong, forgiveness inevitably follows. Blaming a person for things out of their control and trying to make them feel small is oppression..abuse! Silence when you need a kind word is abuse.

What is this blame thing? It’s assigning blame!

Assigning blame is something I have a REAL problem with! If I harm you in ANY WAY I will do everything in my power to right the wrong.

For instance, I went to visit my besty in North Carolina. We were taking her boat out. Dropped the boat in the water, and I took the truck and trailer to the parking area. I grabbed her puppy, on the leash, keys and headed down to the boat. Cooper darted off, my flipflop slipped, and I was being pulled by my knees down to the boat. I recovered, started running after the puppy. When I got down to Brandi at the boat I accidentally dropped the keys overboard. They went down fast in the murky waters.

I spent 30 minutes, and I don’t know how many dives with no snorkel, dive equipment, and ZERO hope on a dock I had never been to, until I found the damn keys.

If you want to make things right show that you are serious. ACT. Take that extra dive, show you can, “man up”. I see far fewer people taking responsibility and way to many assigning BLAME! MAN THE FXCK UP!

Everyone start loving, caring, and STOP blaming others. Take RESPONSIBILITY for your SHIT! I will not be the fcvking scapegoat ANYMORE!

YOU ARE NO HERO BY MAKING ANOTHER FEEL SMALL!

Dating, I know!

Do you remember the line in the movie.. You’ve got mail,” by Tom Hanks when he said, “Do you ever feel like you’ve become the worst version of yourself?”

With Kaya before she passed.

I know we, (non sociopaths) have all felt it.  At one point in our lives we hate, berate, criticize ourselves if we have a soul. stop hating ourselves and hold onto the precious joy in life! 

WAIT A TICK…BULLSHIT!  you want  crap, huh? I know when I’m getting screwed and i don’t like it!  I know when my family is in peril and I’m FURIOUS!  However, we can only control so much.  Nature has it’s course, and all the love, hate, and passion in my body can’t change the outcome whether illness, death or divorce.

Did you suspect I would be happy? 

I was a horrible daughter to Mom, growing up. I also suspect that Mom wished she could be a better caregiver.  Life is filled with loss, regret, pain, and sorrow if you have the courage, fortitude, and kindness most of all to embrace playing.   You can have unseen enemies and loyal friends that you never see. 

This life, and no not just mine as you well know, has suffering, sacrifice, and pain that will tear you asunder.  Your legs will buckle under the grief.  Tears will spill out of you eyes because you see a favorite flower. Moments and memories will bring you to your humble knees because you knew the sweetest, kindest, beautiful person EVER!!  Few people fit that bill…So few are left in real life. Yet the brightness leaves time and again.

Many years ago I asked, “Why my Mommy didn’t love me?” and the answer had followed me to this day.  Never has the knowledge satisfied me, and that’s my fault.  “You want $20 from your Mother, but she only has $5 to give.    You have to accept that she is giving you everything she has.”

I have been trying all my life to accept that Charlotte cares so little about her children.   Stepsister is having a great time in Florida with the biggest covid outbreak next to Europe. She’s taking you all around. Mick, go ahead, get sick, get your wife sick, Mom have a great time with another respiratory disease. PLAY AROUND WITH NO MASKS. Die if you want. I have no say.