Busy bee…

That’s what I’ve been. The Relay for Life is just 2 weeks away, speech to prepare, Andy’s Animals booked solid, Buy2Beat updates, products to try, Shop2Beat orders keeping me up all night, 5-6 therapy appointments a week, my writing has suffered. I know a big part of feeling overwhelmed is the exhaustion I feel. Ever since I got home, stopped taking meds, the pain is kicking my butt. I’m not worried though, because I know I will adjust.

The headaches are taking over, and the therapy is making it worse. No pain no gain right? I will find my center, but right now I’m rabbit stuck in a slug’s body. So much to do, very little energy to apply my enthusiasm. Enough about my fun stuff.

I still wish I was back in Italy! Had a beautiful dream of Rome, the rain was falling, and St. Peter’s Basilica, Michelangelo’s dome was in the reflection of the rain. I looked up and saw the sun rise. I was washed with love and peace.

I know I shouldn’t worry, it’s silly, but I know Mom is in pain, Aunt Lu Lu is suffering, and there’s a sore spot in my mouth. I do worry, and wish there was something I could do. I wish Mom would quit her horrible job and enjoy herself more. I wish I could pick Lu Lu up and float her painlessly through Italy! If there was a way to visit everyone I want to, I wish I could find it. I wish I could stop worrying about my recovery.

I need to right this photo, and stop wishing. I’m a problem solver after all. Change the things I can!!!

Back in the swing…

…of things, yeah, sure, okay. I stopped taking all painkillers the day I got back. I suppose I owe a huge debt of gratitude to them for hiding what was really happening in my body. I would’ve never made it through Italy without them. I doubt that I’m going to get much better, pain wise, so I better get used to my new norm. Fxck!!!

Clearly, I’ve been through much worse, but it’s going to take time to acclimate to this much, forever. Reminds me of my favorite church..

That’s exactly what I feel like. I’m thoroughly depressed, but I put on my happy face, went through the motions, and spent a few hours in public. All I want to do is sleep, and cry a bit.

Buy2Beat and Shop2Beat need me to adjust my crown and take on the world! My book needs work, and all I’ve managed to do is edit a few lines. My pet sitting business has kept me a bit on my toes though.

The thing I love about traveling is the lack of television. I put on a music channel at night, but it stays off. So many more wonderful things are accomplished without one.

Tricky…

Se bon ti vol parer, el buso del cuo te ga da doer..If you want to look good you have to suffer!It’s a famous Venetian saying..I’ve seen 2 women in stilettos yikes! I just have boots on and they are tricky. I almost put a pair on this evening, but a sprained ankle is the LAST thing i need. Long day of travel awaits, staring at me, shaking it’s head..the unmovable beast. I want to buck against, push him back, but there’s no use. The responsibility of home and real life awaits. I’m excited for it to begin, scared, but this dream is tough to wake from.It’s as if you’re in the movie Labyrinth twirling around, stairs moving, never reaching the end goal. I want to continue getting lost and found in this great city, and then jumping on the train taking in each little town along the way. Making friends, meeting people, and someday eating well.

Sad…

In 35 minutes I will land in Dever. I have slept the majority of the 9 and a half hour flight. Watched both A Star is Borns and Phantom Thread. I was just blasted by a sadness that brought tears to my eyes. I probably won’t return to Italy. A place that lent me challenges, beauty, and joy will be locked in that place. The bank of memories filled with hundreds of volumes of my life to be covered with webs of misentanglements and dulled experience like all great things. A part of the past of my life, and now back to the reality. Doctors, dogs, driving, dishes, and the many other things that are my life.Do not get me wrong, my life is great, but Italy was a paradise for me. Watching a world of art, water, history, faith, and so much love was intoxicating. Walking through it everyday, stopping to watch a pair of lovers that fifty years hadn’t dulled thier happiness. The ones just starting on the path with hope and promise, and the sparkle in thier eyes. For the most part, people don’t smile in Venice, and I fund the gruffness laughable. Wether they know it or not, they are live in a beautiful, magical land.I had always thought I would stay in Italy when I went to visit. At least a year, but I was in my early 20s then. I’m a big girl now with responsibilities and commitments. I hope one day to return, but I am happy that I will not regret missing it!

Sparkling or still..

I love fabric on thirty foot walls.Aside… (Pretty woman just came on radio, and it has me laughing since I just responded to Sherry’s response to Richard Gere’s credit card. )Back to the point, I’m eating at the Casino in Venice. Probably the most expensive shrimp and asparagus ever, no big thing, I urge you to splurge. Don’t be surprised by colossal mishaps, be ready for a few. FIX them!!Do NOT take a once in a lifetime vacation and skimp on something that will be remembered negatively. What’s the point? I booked my room months ago, and didn’t know until Newark that it was so far from Venice. I booked a motel to be closer, and wasn’t refunded a dime from the original place.At one point I had 3 hotels, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I was happier in Venice, and MUCH calmer. I was finally able so sleep. More at home than anywhere in Italy, but even in Rome I changed places. So, I was INCREDIBLY WRONG, and it’s a STEEP bill, but what WOULD have been the cost. This isn’t camping with a chance of rain, it’s Italy, and I refuse to have it marred by a freezing room, inoperable locks, wasted drive time, or foolish stubbornness because I PAID!Back to the Casino.

So different..

I found myself struggling with why today. Why was this trip so VERY different than all my others. Of course, it is Italy, and I’ve never been. I’m alone, not completely abnormal. Different language? Never was a problem. Then it hit me..

There’s no bars. Everywhere you turn it says bar, but there’s no where to sit. Everyplace has tables segregating each mini group. No way to talk to the bartender, get to know a few locals. My hotel bar has 2 seats, I’m currently at a place called the Corner Pub outside the Gugenhiem, 2 seats, and the only place was Harry’s Bar, boasting 7 stools and HUGE turnover. I wish I could afford to spend more time there simply because it feels comforting. Normal.

I typically find my place, a stomping ground and make friends. I haven’t found a single place that lends itself to that. Time for a serious pub crawl even if I am too late.

You didn’t see coming..

Burano is that kinda town! As you approach, the feeling of ambiguity sets. If you don’t know anything about it, which I didn’t, it’s just a park with trees, statue, and a few boats on a small island.Then it becomes a assault of color, character, and charm. Each new corner of town has something for everyone. I was reminded of Balboa, California, but in the sense of this being the original!The lace is EXQUISITE, and several stores sale a vast variety of pieces AND prices. Clothing, bedding, framed art, and it’s one of a kind. The colors are a bam, Bam, BAM at each trun blues, reds, yellows, and everything in between fresh and BRIGHT! Little streams with little boats in almost a doll town. I walked in to a cafe to get a coffee, and two old surely men argued about politics, a woman swepped her store swoop, little kids ran about laughing making it a scene from a Disney cartoon. Unreal and incredibly precious, I would love to stay! Who wouldn’t?